The Sexually Dominant Man
In my Tantra sessions with men, I often experience men saying something along the lines of "but I'm usually the giver, can't I give to you?" Then they’d try, in various ways, to get me to submit to them, whether overtly or manipulatively across the one session or across subsequent sessions. This is even after they’d been clearly informed that this is a one-way practice and that they must learn to submit and receive in order to experience the benefits of the practice of fully receiving and surrendering control.
When it had just been me running this business, I became repeatedly overwhelmed by this and would have to take considerable breaks from the practice. This desire I kept meeting in men to constantly barrage a woman with their sexual energy exhausted and grieved me. Especially so if they would posed this nature as coming from their genuine care and generosity. This could not be genuine care and generosity when they didn’t know me and there was no effort spent in getting to know me. There were already the attempts at breaching my personal and professional boundaries before considering me as a human being worthy of knowing, respecting and understanding. This so-called generosity came down to pure self gratification because of the sheer lack of consideration given and it pains me greatly to admit that. So this one is for you, men, especially those of you who struggle to relinquish your control.
Dear Men,
I understand that allowing a woman your surrender and true vulnerability to her being in dominance may seem like a highly uncomfortable idea or experience. It might feel emasculating or make you feel as if you are inadequate as a man to let go of control. It seems unnatural to surrender to a woman. Maybe even weak! Women are not supposed to hold you or have any dominance over you, right?
There’s the natural conditioning and predisposition you hold to being in dominance, having to be “the man” of your life and others’ for protection, for competition, for survival, for success. This is important and we don’t want you to lose that, however, to reveal your vulnerability, allowing yourself to open and soften with a woman as she gives to you is the pathway to opening your heart and learning how to love without fear.
So many of you have conditioned yourselves to experience sexual pleasure and climax through being ultimately in dominance and in control. You are combining being in pleasure with being in power and repeatedly patterning yourself with this. In the throes of passion where your woman is receiving orgasm in a more passive state, you take your pleasure from this. It becomes very hard for you to open to her and let her show you a different way to reach your pleasure, a way that will provide you a form of liberation and bliss like you’ve never experienced before.
By allowing a woman the space to give to you means that you would be opening to your submissive nature as she explores her giving and sexually dominant nature with you. Even if that makes you feel uncomfortable, do you think you could at least try it out and let go of the grip of your conditioning and beliefs? Let go of your ego for a moment? Could you consider that by allowing a more balanced dynamic of intimacy to unfold between you and your lover, wherein the roles of submission and dominance are even just a little more interchangeable between you, this could bring your love and self development to a whole new level of richness and reward? This will allow for an opening within you to feel safe and held, to experience a softer, less harsh, more forgiving side of life; a side that allows you to be free in expressing your truth, your inner turmoil, your pain and your heartache so that it can actually heal.
Acts of genuine generosity have huge impacts in intimacy. Consciously relinquishing the need to always be dominant may also be a truly powerful act of generosity for your woman. If she can see that and acknowledge that from you, then you may well be on the way to a far better, more enriching and adventurous love life together.
From truth and love,
Charlotte
