Sexual Trauma
Photo by Larm Rmah
Many of us, on some level, have experienced sexual trauma. It’s some horrifying statistic that about 15-20% of children experience sexual abuse across the world. And so many more experience it later on in life as well.
This is really important to consider when trying to build intimate relationships. It would be nice if truth were laid out bare for us when we met people and started forming relationships with them but this is rarely the case because communication isn’t always on point between partners. Also, deep dark secrets of abuse are very challenging to bring to the light. Trust is key but if it’s not there then havoc and toxicity often play a massive part in how the relationship unfolds and eventually… how it breaks.
To move into healthy territory in relationships, we need patience and understanding, especially with how trauma affects intimate and sexual experiences and the pathway to deeper connection. Challenging situations frequently arise when attempting to connect in depth with lovers. This is most often due to past experiences of a traumatic nature. Sometimes people don’t even realise they’ve gone through trauma, even if it’s only mild and so when they get close to a lover they freak out.
Trauma creates trigger points in an individual. Trigger points are areas of tension in the body and mind that relate to the memories of traumatic experiences. When these points are “triggered” by an experience that may have only mild semblance to a traumatic experience, i.e. slightly rough sex with a new lover reminding a woman of a rape she had to endure in the past, this can cause the individual to shut down, react violently or impulsively or seek to protect themselves in some way.
I CANNOT EMPHASISE ENOUGH HOW IMPORTANT THE ABOVE IS TO CONSIDER WHEN YOU ARE GETTING TO KNOW ANOTHER INTIMATELY. IT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAKING OR BREAKING A DEELPY LOVING AND TRUSTING BOND WITH A POTENTIAL PARTNER.
Now, some practical points of knowledge and advice for you:
➳ Women tend to suppress emotional pain from past sexual trauma in the vagina, particularly around the cervix which manifests as muscular tension. When this area is contacted through sexual intercourse or foreplay it may bring on severe physical pain and cramping. Severe trauma and invasive procedures that have occurred around a woman’s sex typically creates pain and tension in and around her vagina.
➳ Gentle, deep and loving sex can bring on intense emotional catharsis and tears. This may seem initially overwhelming and alarming for both, but with trust in the process, this is a beautiful way to help her move through it and beyond it.
➳ A loving and attentive partner can be very healing for a woman and help her to address her experiences of trauma and ultimately move on from them into a lighter, freer way of being and expressing herself and her sensual radiance.
➳ Men tend to suppress emotions and reactions from past trauma in the pit of their belly up towards the chest cavity. They may have issues with erectile dysfunction during foreplay and intercourse and might not be able to allow a woman to bring them to orgasm, wishing only to do it for themselves.
➳ Whilst a man may not typically feel pain in the same way a woman does during sex, he will have built up belly tension which will prevent powerful orgasmic sensations lifting into his heart region and crown and expanding throughout the rest of his body. This is important to be able to achieve for overall health and radiance.
➳ As with women, a loving and attentive partner can help with his healing and be part of his liberation process wherein he can express himself freely, especially in areas of sensitivity, sensuality and childlike joy.
In all cases of sexual trauma, consulting a practitioner, counsellor or psychologist who has experience with clients of sexual trauma can drastically alleviate the heavy burden placed upon a relationship one is in or may be trying to build. Many parts of the world have been changing for the better as people stand up for equal rights. Individuals — regardless of gender, age or race — are now being considered as worthy of attention and living holistically fulfilling lives. The values of today are shifting and it is widely acceptable to outsource help for issues inside of relationships, which had hitherto, only been dealt with within or close to home and with loved ones or not at all.
