Facing Your Shadow
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by emotions that seem to come out of nowhere, or struggled with recurring patterns in your life? You're not alone.
The first time I learned about the shadow, I was nineteen years old. My best friend’s mother, a woman deeply invested in her spiritual path, handed me a book called Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche by Robert A. Johnson. I found it fascinating, and it offered me beautiful pieces of guidance that I’ve carried with me throughout life. Now, there is a great deal of information about the “shadow” and “shadow work,” especially in the realm of modern Tantra. So, let’s break it down—what exactly is it? In this piece, we’ll explore the shadow and how facing it can lead to deep personal growth and transformation through Tantra.
What Is the Shadow?
The shadow represents the parts of yourself that you reject, deny or hide because they feel uncomfortable, frightening or challenging. It includes fears, insecurities and impulses that you suppress—like bottled-up anger, denied jealousy or the vulnerability you fear makes you look weak. The shadow is the hidden side of you, and it has an undeniable influence on your life as it is inextricably intertwined with the facades you reveal to the world.
These hidden aspects can manifest in ways that hinder your relationships, limit your potential and prevent you from fully living your truth. Learning to face them, despite the fear within, is a crucial part of your growth. Understanding and accepting your shadow means recognising these parts as integral to your wholeness, rather than something to keep hidden, perpetuating a sense of incompleteness. By shining a light on these aspects, you gain control over them, bringing them into your conscious awareness, instead of allowing them to dictate your unconscious behaviour.
Take a Moment to Reflect
Consider one aspect of yourself—an emotion or reaction—you might be suppressing. What is it and why? For example, it might be anger you want to express but fear might be too violent, or grief, because actually feeling it may mean you’ll fall apart.
How to Recognise Your Shadow
To recognise your shadow, start by identifying what you avoid or find challenging to accept. Reflect on moments of discomfort or emotional triggers. These feelings don’t disappear when ignored; they linger in the background, under the surface, shaping your thoughts and actions. By acknowledging these aspects, you can start to unravel their influence over your life.
What’s the Lesson?
When you experience an uncomfortable emotion, pause and ask yourself: "What is this trying to teach me? What could this feeling be connected to from my past?”
“Within your shadow lies your richest source of power.”
- Charlotte Leonie
The Role of Tantra in Shadow Work
In Tantra, duality is a core principle—light exists because there is dark, and pleasure and pain are interconnected. One cannot exist without the other. Tantra teaches that true growth comes from exploring both light and shadow, and accepting the presence of both in reality. Instead of avoiding discomfort, Tantra encourages you to be present with whatever arises, softening your resistance and shifting your perspective to view your shadow as a source of wisdom.
Through this practice, your shadow becomes less threatening and more controllable—no longer an enemy to be defeated—but revealing insights and untapped strengths. When you confront your shadow through Tantra, you unlock deeper self-acceptance and reclaim parts of yourself you once pushed away. This process isn’t about fixing flaws, but about welcoming hidden aspects of yourself as opportunities for insight and healing.
Practice Presence: When you feel uncomfortable, try holding space for yourself with curiosity and compassion. How can you be present with and accept these feelings?
Steps to Integrate and Heal Your Shadow
Integrating and healing your shadow involves addressing the parts of yourself you’ve repressed or denied. This journey includes recognising and working to heal underlying wounds, often linked to childhood trauma and unresolved experiences. These early life experiences shape the shadow aspects you struggle with in adulthood, influencing your emotional responses and behaviours.
Recognise Your Emotions: Notice what triggers you emotionally. Pay attention to moments of discomfort, anger or fear, and consider how these reactions might connect to past experiences.
Reflect Without Judgment: Create space for self-reflection when difficult emotions arise. Ask yourself, "What is this trying to teach me? How might this connect to my past?"
Heal Through Insight: Use your insights to address and nurture the wounded parts of yourself. Consider inner child work to soothe the parts of you that were hurt. Ask, "What did my younger self lack? How can I show up for both myself and my younger self now?”
Daily Practice for Integration
Set aside a few moments each day for reflection through journaling. Identify what triggered you and explore the emotions that surfaced. Invite these feelings in with curiosity and compassion.
Journal Prompts to Get Started:
What emotions do I tend to avoid?
How might they connect to past experiences?
When was the last time I felt triggered?
What hidden beliefs or fears might be influencing my reactions?
How can I comfort and heal my inner child in response to these triggers?
Your Journey Forward
Embracing your shadow doesn’t happen overnight. Start small—maybe by acknowledging an uncomfortable emotion the next time it arises, or journaling about a fear you’ve been carrying. Approach this process with curiosity and patience, allowing it to unfold naturally.
In my personal process, embracing my shadow has, at times, been graceful and easy, with the timing feeling right, while at other times it has gripped me in visceral fear, throwing me into states of sheer anxiety, making it hard to breathe. Support in navigating your shadow is invaluable and, at times, crucial to making solid progress. For the sake of your nervous system, and your peace of body and mind, do what you can when you can, in spaces that offer the support you need, even when you think you don’t need it.
By integrating your shadow, you begin to live more fully aligned with your true self, free from the unconscious patterns that once held you back. You create space for deeper self-love and acceptance, paving the way for a more enriching, empowered and radiant life.
If you’re ready to explore how Tantra can guide you in embracing your shadow, click here to explore my session offerings.
With love,
Charlotte
