A Woman's Conditioning
This one lands right on the home front, coming from personal experience. Many women are taught by parents, by society, by religion, to negate their basic primal instincts for the sake of social propriety and appeasing the status quo wherein male privilege still reigns. We are raised to be supple, submissive and agreeable. The “kindness” that comes from these conditionings causes women to override their intuition with behaviour designed to please. This doesn’t help her at all when the ones she is trying to please have never learnt anything about how to properly consider and care for a woman.
I understand that we are in a shifting paradigm where perhaps the above isn’t as relevant to women of Western cultures these days as they set about creating and leading their own lives in healthier paradigms, however, this is what we’ve come from and what we are traditionally influenced by. Further, women of many cultures around the world still exist in highly oppressive social structures where they are not given a voice, not given equal rights and their rightful place is only in the home with the family where they are nearly completely concealed from the world and majorly limited in their self expression. They don’t have the opportunity to explore what it means to be a unique individual for themselves nor for their society at large.
We barely live in a world anymore where our predators are other animal species. Most of us cling to the supposed safety generated within societies. This behaviour, though, of being supple, submissive and a pleaser in society means a woman of that conditioning can be easy prey for predatory men and even predatory women, albeit they may prey more psychologically than physically. This behavioural conditioning is essentially directing us to submit to predators, which are now humans, and disempower ourselves.
Traditionally a woman has been most ideal if she is a “fair lady.” She’s often termed a “ damsel,” a “catch,” a “bird,” a “chick.” None of these ways of looking at women are empowering for them. I feel it apt and actually quite crucial in this day and age for women to take charge of generating their own labels and definitions for themselves as a starting point for carving out stronger positions within society and for building their own identity and self esteem. Also, the guard some women have up is initially shunned quite often fiercely by many and misinterpreted. This guard makes those trying to “get in” with these women feel insecure, inferior and inadequate and rather than educating themselves on why they might have these guards up in the first place, the common instinctive reaction is to try to cut them down and shut down whatever they are expressing of themselves. The mighty ego hungry for power and full of desire existing in many humans is all too ready to unconsciously tread all over and desecrate the less demanding, underdeveloped and subtle or intuitive types. We can see feminine qualities here, which are not exclusive to women, also suffer greatly. This is vile and there shouldn’t really be a place for this but that’s the current world we live in and it’s important to not be in denial about it. Guards up are useful. Perhaps not if they are up all the time but they are what is necessary to protect ourselves from those who do not know us, do not yet care for us and do not consider us.
TOXIC FEMININE
Alright. Different angle now. I want to talk about the Toxic Feminine. I believe that this is a byproduct of the above behavioural conditioning. Women for generations upon generations have been stilted by families, societies and cultures that value man above woman ever since the birth of agriculture. Why was this the case? Men were highly valuable assets used to protect familial and tribal territories and crops and women were used to trade with and marry off to ensure harmonious relations between neighbouring tribes and eventually, across countries. Their wants and needs were not considered and because they were physically weaker, often very young and so vulnerable, they had no choice or power in these matters. So then comes the birth of the Toxic Feminine. This involves the backlash and the traumatic outcry from brutalised women who become like inconsolable, desperate banshees, the inspiration of nightmarish myths and folklore. They get locked away and hidden, suppressed even deeper until their deaths, maybe even impregnated whilst locked away to ensure bloodlines continue along the course of their dark dismal lives.
Whenever there is suppression, at some point in time, there must be an equal and opposite reaction to the suppression. Newton’s third law:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
This statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the force on the first object equals the size of the force on the second. This is a law of physics. I can’t see why it would not apply to suppression of the psyche and of ourselves. We are all part of the field of consciousness and of matter. Laws of physics apply to us too. The Toxic Feminine becomes the reaction. However, the reaction from this suppression and downright exploitation gets skewed and becomes “toxic” because the suppression and exploitation is still in existence in obvious or sly and insidious ways.
An example of the Toxic Feminine can be seen in mothers perpetuating patriarchal paradigms by taking advantage of their daughter’s soft and understanding natures for their own gains received by their husbands or fathers and shutting down their daughter’s creative and intellectual potential so they feel better and more accomplished about themselves. Women shaming women over being sluts if they have a lot of sex with multiple partners but not doing the same for men. Abused women emasculating and/or bullying sensitive, kind-natured men who’ve never done anything to harm them nor deserve this treatment.
FEMININE ARCHETYPES
Women have the potential to be enchanting, delightful, divine, multifaceted beings of power, wonder and magic. Yet, we are often confined to particular archetypes, which can become limitations or even detriments to self development and expression of the feminine. I’d like to delineate a few below that you may find applicable or interesting to look at. As women, we are usually a combination of archetypes across the course of our lives but there may be one or a few we resonate most with.
Madonna, The Gentle Nurturer
The one most commonly taken advantage of for herself-sacrificial nature. She may be easily convinced into marriage and surrender her soul wants and needs she’s barely uncovered for the sake of supporting her husband’s desires and the family they create together. She may be strong and her altruism becomes her compass and guiding light but she may feel secretly, deeply unfulfilled. Her desires will never hold more importance than those of her husband and family.
Banshee, The Crazed Woman
The emotionally overwhelmed or traumatised woman often without knowledge of how to deal with it all, written off by others as demented and crazy and ultimately ostractised. She may be locked away in mental institutions or isolates herself in abodes where few ever come to visit or give her love and support. She never gets invited anywhere unless by obligation as she’s a burden no one wishes to deal with. Perhaps there’s also food, drug, alcohol or sex addiction issues with her.
Rebel, The Wild Woman
The most sexually and sensually desirable yet fearsome woman in touch with her masculine and feminine sides who chooses the life of freedom and spirit. This way of being may be her ultimate condemnation by others who fit into the norm as she goes against the grain and status quo. Others may inflict rage, pain and danger upon her and her path because they are threatened by her power or envious and inspired to hate her because she holds what they do not know how to possess. This life may be a lonely one but can bring her enlightenment when she goes deeper into exploring her own nature after having found safe territory.
Waif, The Broken Woman
This is the woman unequivocally neglected and/or beaten so badly into submission to the point of her individuality and soul expression being irretrievable as long as her adverse conditions stand in place over her. She will typically be sick, pallid in complexion with empty despairing eyes and downright weak. Her life will be a chore filled with chores in servitude to others. She may live like a slave with her basic rights shown no consideration and her pleas for more out of life shown no mercy by her oppressors. She is broken and without belief that her brokenness can be healed.
Crone, The Wise Elder
This woman is the woman who has lived most of her life and is living out her final years. She is brimming with life knowledge and wisdom. She knows well the trials and tribulations of love, loss, despair, change, transformation and growth. She has seen and experienced the seasons of life from youth to old age and many of the variations in between. She may have reached satisfaction with her life goals and desires or if not, may have found a way to land in contentment and pride with what she has accomplished amidst her given circumstances. She is ready to share her wisdom with those who seek it or she can be just as content to keep it to herself, living out the rest of her days peacefully and gracefully. She may also allow her quirk and individual flair to shine brightly without care of others' perceptions of her.
In short, I hope that writing about the above has opened awareness around the potential conditioning we may be under. I also want to note from personal experience, that instead of feeling limited by any behavioural conditioning, it’s possible for us to transcend it through expanding upon our knowledge, perspectives and consciousness as well as clearing belief systems holding the conditioning in place.
